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MY DILEMMA


The war between the heart and the head, is a tough one. Your head tells you, this is it! And For a second, your heart agrees with you. Then it pushes you to do the direct opposite. Why? Why can't all of me say the same thing? Why does the heart make this so hard? It should be easy. But oh no! The heart has to make it tough.

Maybe my head is the wrong one here. Maybe I should follow my heart. At least,It has not lead me down a wrong path in a while. Or has it? My head says. Thinking about it, actually involves my head. It is saying one thing, And the feeling which involves my heart is saying another. Should I think or should I feel?

Let's start from the genesis. Maybe I can think or feel my way out of this mess I got myself into. We were good at the beginning, until he became an addiction, my addiction. I stopped thinking rationally when it comes to him a long time ago. I guess my head went on a vacation.

Little things became very big. Big things became little and I wasn't normal anymore. You could call it love but I think its something far more sinister. There were couple of times when my head tried to resume. But the heart overwhelmed it and forced it back into hibernation.

Friends saw I wasn't normal with him. I rationalized my behaviour with them. I never saw their point until now. Why now? Because the heart has been hurt enough. The head finally forced its way back. But when the heart heals, it forgets all hurt. The head never forgets though, maybe that was why he was sent away in the first place.

The head remembers the downs, the heart feels the ups. And just yesterday, the head concluded that DETACHMENT is necessary to avoid further emotional damage. And today, the wounds of the heart has healed. Even if it was only little. But at least it has healed enough to remember the Ups. And so it stays attached.

So here I am now, standing at a crossroad. Who do I trust? Who do I follow? My head or my heart.



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